Writing Center: Show and Tell 101

One of the most common mistakes in creative writing is to “tell” the reader what is happening instead of “showing” it to them in a much more vibrant and appealing way.

Telling is when you give information in a straight and summarized fashion.
Sam was angry when he heard the news.

Showing is when you illustrate an event by using point of view, action, dialogue, etc.
When Sam heard the news he grabbed the inkbottle off his desk and flung it at the wall where it shattered into a million pieces.

Techniques to avoid 'telling' and start 'showing'

  1. Using Point of View
  2. Using dialogue
  3. Use ALL the senses!
  4. Use vivid nouns and strong action verbs

Using Point of View

Point of view is when you share your character’s thoughts and opinions through your writing. There are two different points of view that can be used while following the RMI rule of writing in the third person and in past tense.

Limited Third Person
In this style you as the writer can share your character’s thoughts and feelings. It allows for some distance from the direct POV of the character while still allowing the reader to identify with them.

Feeling shy, Jane walked into the Finer Diner and grabbed a seat without making eye contact with anyone. She ordered quickly and then tried to wait patiently for the food to come. She was starving because she hadn’t eaten anything all day, but tried to keep her mind off her hunger by thinking about the Quidditch match that was coming up.
Omniscient Style
This style allows for further detachment from the character by using a narrator’s voice. Reader identification is limited, allowing the writer to make major points and include description without getting tied up with the character’s opinion.
Jane was not the type to grab attention so she slipped into the Finer Diner without a word and sat down. Small for her age and impatiently waiting for her food, from a distance she would have seemed like a young second-year student rather than one about to graduate in a few months.

Using dialogue

Dialogue is a great way of showing characterization because it gives you direct access to your character’s words and thoughts. Fast-paced and entertaining, it’s a great way to “show” what’s happening in your post. While dialogue is obviously limited because of the response style of posting, sharing your character’s thoughts can be done easily.

Dialogue

Finally, Jack could take it no longer. Standing up, he pulled his wand from his pocket and pointed it at Joe. “People like you don’t deserve any part of the wizarding world. Why don’t you just go back to where you came from, Mudblood.”
Thoughts
Jack sat in the Rec Room, his anger growing into a full-blown rage as he watched Joe swimming in the pool. How did they pick him for Quidditch captain instead of me?! He doesn’t deserve to be captain. He doesn’t deserve to be here at all! Before he could fully understand what he was doing, Jack pulled out his wand and walked quickly towards the edge of the pool.

Use ALL the senses!

Don’t limit yourself to only using visual imagery for description. Explore using smells, sounds, tastes and textures. Compare these two descriptions:

Only visual imagry

Amanda held the chocolate frog in held hand. It was smaller than she’d thought it would be. It was dark brown and kept trying to escape her grasp, so without waiting any longer she put it in her mouth and took a bite.
Using ALL the senses!
The chocolate frog in Amanda’s hand was cool and smooth. It croaked as it tried to leap out of her grasp and onto the table. Worried it would escape, she put it in her mouth and bit down, her mouth filling with the rich and creamy taste of milk chocolate.

Use vivid nouns and strong action verbs

Use specific and concrete nouns people will be able to grasp onto rather than ambiguous ones like happiness, courage and arrogance. Instead, “show” characters being happy, arrogant and courageous.

Ambiguous noun usage
Tom felt happy as he looked out across the grassy field.

Concrete noun usage
Tom beamed at the bright grass as he whistled his favorite song.

You should also use strong action verbs that accurately describe what's going on. In addition, you should avoid passive voice in order to maximize the action conveyed in each and every post!

Passive Voice: The car was speeding down the road.
Active Voice: The car sped down the road.

Passive Voice: The Quaffle was thrown by Kate.
Active Voice: Kate threw the Quaffle.

Passive Voice: The report was written by Max.
Active Voice: Max wrote the report.

Finally, remember that we're looking for quality over quantity. Some people think that more detail is better, but that's not always the case! Remember to be selective and only choose pertinant details that the readers are really interested in: watch out for detail overload lest it overtake your posts.

Telling
There was a man working behind the counter.

Passive Voice with a Side of Detail Overload
There was a strong, handsome, and tall man working behind the counter.

Showing
The postman sorted envelopes behind the front desk of the office.

Now test out your nifty new knowledge with these fun prompts! Be sure to respond to each prompt as you would to a post, although your response can be as long or as short as need be.

Your character is trying to write an essay that
is due the next day. Hoping to find a quiet place
to work, they go to the Reference Center.
Unfortunately, a group of students at a nearby table
are working together on a project and are being
rather noisy, despite being asked to be quieter
by other students working in the same area.
A classmate is accused of cheating on a test and
is facing severe consequences. However, it was one
of your character’s friends that actually
cheated. Your character knows this and now has to
decide what to do.
Your character walks into their house common room
and finds a letter waiting for them. Upon opening it,
they realize that it is a note from a secret admirer
asking for a secret meeting in the Secret Passages
after curfew. How does your character react? Will
they go for the meeting?